Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
