You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
