She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize