Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
