I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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