Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
