Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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