We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
