did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
