Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
