Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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