She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
