I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
