I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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