Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
