I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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