Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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