his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I supernannyed him into submission
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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