mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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