I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
