You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She's the barista slut.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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