So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
