just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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