Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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