We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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