she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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