He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
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Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
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FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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