I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
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tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
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Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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