I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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