I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
