I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Quick, to the slutcave!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
