Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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