If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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