Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Randomize