Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
