I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
