Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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