pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
