its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
