official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
