dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
