youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
