He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
