we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I love having hate sex.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
