Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
