im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
