Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
