this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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