Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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