Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So vagazzling was a success
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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