I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
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Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
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I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize