I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
