we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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