Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
