I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize