I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
