You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
