Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize