OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
