she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
