i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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